I can’t help but fall apart when I think of it all.

Born into a world I can never change. Seeing all of the wrong doing around me and collapsing under the sheer weight of it all.

I want to change the world. I want everyone to get along. I want all of the unbalance to right itself and for all people to be happy. So I sit alone in my thoughts.

People may ask what I think or how I feel but none could ever understand without thinking me crazy. The truth is maybe I am a little bit crazy. Crazy to think that all are made equal, all have a right to life and freedom.

To feel so hopeless leads to two roads. The one where I brush off the dirt and walk onwards trying to make a difference, trying to understand the purpose of it all and enjoying every second of existence as if it were a gift from the unknown.

Or to hide from it all and fall away from what is rational. If you are reading this then you see the world differently to anyone else… You are an individual. The only reality you will ever know is your own. You Love. You Hate. You Laugh. You Cry. I will never understand what you see or what you feel.

It’s what being human is all about. I envy you for every happy moment and I wish I had been there for ever time you fell. But I am only one person… Had I the choice I would be the feeling that picks you up when you are at you lowest. And you would be the same to me.

Life is what you make of it and is a gift worth keeping. Don’t worry about the bad times and don’t hold on to sadness. For it is a passing feeling and the sun will always come out.

I may never know you or meet you. But I am a being human like you. That makes us the same. Please don’t turn you back on the world or anyone in it.

“I love you”

The words echo around my head

My heart squeezes tight

No not again

“Whats wrong?”

Abuse, hatred, neglect

It all comes back

No not again

“Don’t cry”

But the tears fall freely

free fall

And a wall erects

Divided

No not again.

Behind the wall of tears.

…. I ruin everything :(

When I signed up for Facebook, I was immediately “faced” with a huge problem: I had no photos of my face. None. That was because I was always behind the camera instead of in front of it. I took pictures of my friends, colleges, family and even strangers.

(Occasionally, my feet or arms wound up in the picture, too, but there wasn’t a single photo of my face. That’s a big problem on Facebook because people want to see, well, your face. After all, it’s not called “Armbook” or “Footbook.”)

I thought about this recently when I read the novel The Girl with Glass Feet by Ali Shaw. One of the main characters, Midas Crook, hides behind his camera. He is a socially inept man who prefers to view the world through his camera lens.

It’s safer there.

His one romantic relationship ended when he realized that he was only attracted to the version of the woman he had caught on film, not the living and breathing woman that she was when his camera was put away. Instead of social interaction, he has film and black-and-white photos and people reduced to what slow light and silver nitrate make them.

People are easier to deal with when they are flat and two-dimensional.

3-D people can be disturbing: knowing all three dimensions of them forces me to share all three dimensions of myself. Scary.

Sure, my life is an open book … in a foreign language.

All too often, I’ve hidden myself from other people. I hide …

“What is hard in being alone is not sadness or fear;
But its the fact that out of the billions of people in the world
…no one dare’s to be with you.”