I get mocked by a lot of people for being a type 2 Bipolar. I do try to keep it on the hush however when people do find out they like to imply that it is something that doesn’t exist and is just a trait of a Cunt.
The simple fact of the matter is smoking a lot of weed, coming from a broken home, having extreme anxiety, low self confidence, suffering chronic pneumonia and getting finished by my long term partner all in the space of a year was bound to cause some kind of breakdown.
I visited a Dr in East Sussex who booked me in for counseling. I had to keep a diary of how I felt day by day. I had to write down everything that made me anxious and all of the things that would make me angry. I returned the diary to him and had a psychiatric assessment conducted.
I was asked questions about how I felt about myself, and others around me. Naturally this ended with the shrink getting a nearby stapler thrown at him as I never took well to being told that I was a bipolar.
I returned to college and upon realizing I was not like other people I decided to take a belt to my neck and attempt suicide. I never planned this very well as the fire hinge i tried to hang myself from was made from cheap metal which in turn saved my life through it breaking. I did however manage to knock myself out.
The college wardens found me and began preparations for my being sent home. I requested that they never told anyone what had happened and in a flood of tears told them I would just be happy to be at home. Victoria my ex long term partner branded my a psychotic loser who had attempted suicide because of her and refused to speak to me ever again.
She never realized what had been going on. I was so fatigued by being so unwell in body and mind that returning home I remember feeling the happiest I have been in such a long time. I spent so much time with my friends who all helped me out. It took me some time to tell one or two of them parts of the story which had happened.
I was told by one of my best friends that I needed an outlet in life. Something that I had a love for that would allow me to make a new me. And something that would open up new people and places. So I brought a camera. And have been doing my photography ever since.
My photography stands as a representation of everything bad in my life that was turned around and made into something good. It is also the one thing that keeps me going and keeps me off the meds. I could go on and get into more depth however I think that’s enough on the subject.
Either way I have posted this video as many people today have a huge stigma towards mental health and such. It seems anyone who is considered to have a mental disability is instantly branded as a psycho. Its funny to think that in a world where physical disability tip toed over mental disability’s are still hugely misunderstood.
Steven fry who is a bipolar himself sums up how bipolar affects individuals in this video. This video is liberating for me as it makes me feel less of freak and a little more human. One of the most upsetting factors I feel with bipolar is the idea of being broken and knowing it. I see the looks people give me when I say and do certain things and I just feel so ashamed with myself. But the problem with bipolar is that you can never quite get that balance of what to feel and how to feel it.